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  • Deb Killian

Waiver NOT

Updated: Apr 10


Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." 

God has a plan for each one of us. In fact, before birth, He has called us by name from the womb (Is 49:1).We are unique in His creation, fearfully & wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14), designed completely in His image (Gen 1:27) with a mind of Christ (1Cor 2:16).

And yet…the enemy comes to lie, steal and destroy. In moments of weakness, the Plan He so intricately designed just for us can erode little by little until we become unsure, wary or it’s just plain left behind.

WAVER (hesitate, be indecisive, tremble, shudder, quiver) NOT. These are the words I heard this morning as I stumbled, with coffee in hand, to my prayer chair. I sleepily gazed out the window to watch as the sun began to shine on the dew-drenched roses. A breeze happened by, tousling the leaves that held one rose bud in place. It held on for all it was worth, unwilling to be sent scampering across the lawn. I wonder if I hold on to God’s promises over my life as tightly as that leaf held onto the stem of my rose.

Somewhere during the past 7 years, I let go of my dream’s burden. I had held on to it for 50 odd years, but circumstances eroded my passion little by little. Words from God would come and go. People would lay hands on me, assuring me the promise was still alive and well but I was becoming comfortable in the place of contentment.

I enjoy the city, home, job and friends He has surrounded me with as I healed from the chaos of death, grieving, abandonment and rejection. Yet, the years have passed and I could once again feel a pull to the nations. Visions & Dreams returned. I felt as if I was carrying a child & as I began travailing I knew it was time to step into a new season. I kept telling the Lord Yes, but I wasn’t really stirring any waters. I was doing a lot of works but in a stationary sort of way.


Finally one recent day I got an email from a dear and trusted friend. She had seen me in a vision…one hand holding a white security blanket while the other reached desperately for the globe in front of me. I couldn’t grasp it because I was hanging on the blanket.

It reminded me of a dream I had when Phil died. It had been one year & I was driving up to see my parents. Sylvester was with me in his cage on the passenger seat. We were singing when I realized the voice coming out of me wasn’t mine. (It was much prettier and more on tune!) All the sudden Sylvester looked up and said “WHO is THAT?” An angel had landed on my car hood. I pulled over & my new friend said, “Do not be afraid. I have come to show you the way.” He took me into an open vision where I was standing on a bridge with one arm stretched behind me holding on to Phil and one reaching toward God’s hand. I knew I had to let go of one. I pulled my hand slowly from Phil’s and immediately was able to grasp God’s. I turned to watch Phil walk away and then forced my eyes back toward the future.

I was again at that crossroad. I have a choice. Waiver and stay where I am or run with all I have towards the call that has always been over my life.

Hebrews10:23 “Let us hold fast(posses, retain, seize, take) the profession (acknowledgment)of our faith without wavering;(being indecisive, irresolute, hesitant, fickle) (for he is faithful(sure, true) that promised;)”

Romans 4:20-21 says “He staggered (wavered) not at the promise (announcement, message) of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God; and being fully persuaded (completely assured or convinced) that, what he had promised, (guaranteed) he was able also to perform.”

2 Cor 1:20For as many as are the promises of God, they all find their Yes [answer] in Him [Christ]. For this reason we also utter the Amen (so be it) to God through Him [in His Person and by His agency] to the glory of God.

I can do this. His word equips us; his love drives us to do anything for Him while His strength is our strong tower. I’ve made up my mind. I will not sit in fear. I will not wallow in contentment. I will not waiver at the promise. I will run after my first love wherever it takes me & at whatever cost.

It’s a good day to don some tennis shoes!

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Deb & Roy Killian
208-798-1809

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